Traitors

It has recently come to my attention that there are ginger people on TV. Since TV is one of my sworn enemies, I do not own one, so I had to research this in the local electronics store. For obvious reasons, the manager of this outlet from hell is in an evil alliance with that Spewer of Vile Lies and he tried his best to keep me out of his store, so I couldn't preach my truths to his deceived costumers. Even though I was evicted from the store, I did manage to catch glimpses of several TV-programs. And what I found was disturbing. All over TV, ginger people have entered in a pact with the enemy. To my horror, I even saw a redhaired weatherman, spreading lies like they were God's own truth. These people are not to be trusted! They are traitors, and should no longer be allowed the honor of being considered ginger. Do not listen to their lies, dear friends, for they have been seduced by the painted Jezebel that is fame. Instead mourn the loss of these former allies for they have fallen by the sword of a powerful foe.

There is one man on TV that is to be trusted, one man that stands as a shining beacon of hope and truth. This sly and intelligent man has managed to infiltrate the fortress of the enemy, without losing his integrity. I'm talking, of course, of the genius that is Conan O'Brien. His intentions are pure and his words ring true. So, honored reader, seek shelter under his wings of truthfulness if you're ever forced to endure the horrors of television.